November 23 – Seek to Understand
“Lord, grant that I may not so much seek to be understood as to understand. (Today)” — Prayer of St. Francis
There’s a scene in Rush Hour where Chris Tucker shouts at Jackie Chan, “Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?!” He’s frustrated, loud, and completely missing the point. He’s talking at Jackie, not communicating with him. Most of us in recovery know that feeling. Trying so hard to be heard that real understanding slips through the cracks.
Fear doesn’t come walking through the front door. It hides under the words — in the hesitations, the eye rolls, the fast shut-downs. When that happens, a quiet prayer helps: “God, please let me have understanding here.” It slows me down enough to listen to more than words.
One of the most common exchanges in the rooms goes like this:
“Hey, how are you doing?”
“Fine.”
But underneath that “fine” often lives a story that never felt worth telling. A lot of us never felt heard—so we stopped trying. A gentle follow-up, “How are you really doing?” opens a door. When I pause and wait, people usually walk through it. That space doesn’t need to fix anything; it just gives someone a chance to feel connection.
Alcoholism steals voices. AA helps them return. Sometimes the best way to speak recovery is without words at all—by showing up, shaking a hand, sitting in a circle, and proving that this matters. When we show up together, we say it loud without ever saying a thing: It is important for me to be here. It might be important to you, too.
What’s something you wish people understood about you in early recovery—but you didn’t know how to say out loud?
