"We were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives." — How It Works
There's a strange resentment that pops up for alcoholics sometimes. We know our lives are unmanageable, but every now and then we try to hand that unmanageability to someone else. Sometimes they take it. Sometimes they help. Sometimes they carry us farther than they should. And sometimes they say no.
Sometimes they tell us, "Not my problem." Sometimes they tell us to figure it out ourselves. And when that happens, our alcoholism can start squirming around in our heads. I can't believe they're doing this to me. What am I supposed to do now? If they cared, they would help. I don't have as much as they do. They owe me.
Nothing fuels a good dose of self-seeking quite like self-pity.
As deeply afflicted self-seekers, we can become convinced that other people are responsible for solving problems that belong to us. Then, when they refuse, we resent them for it. The funny thing is that the people we're leaning on usually feel it long before we do. Over time, they start backing away, and we're left wondering what happened.
Recovery offers us a different approach. Bill Wilson suggested a life built on self-examination, prayer, meditation, and a sincere effort to do better. Instead of looking outward for someone to rescue us, we begin looking inward for what needs to change in us. It's not always comfortable, but it's a lot more effective.
After all, if we couldn't manage our own lives before recovery, why would we expect someone else to do it for us now?
Are you using the program's way, or are you still moving from person to person with your hand out?
