“It’s my way or the highway.” — King Alcohol
There’s something about active alcoholism that separates us from the herd. Maybe we were born this way, maybe it evolved over time, but by the end a lot of us became the wannabe directors of the world, when in reality King Alcohol was calling the shots. We lived in secret, drifting away from family, jobs, and anything resembling healthy living, all while living in our heads and running the world. If they would only do this. If you would only do that. You should have done this. We thought we had life figured out while we strolled down Easy Street, bottle in hand — right up until we hit a dead end and found ourselves detouring into AA. When we weren’t spouting opinions like they were facts, we were mentally rehearsing old stories, replaying hurt, pain, and grudges on a loop, each time a little worse, each time a little more justified. We said drinking took the edge off, but somewhere along the line we drank away the filter of grace we once had. It was our world and everyone else was just in the way — if they would only listen to us, everything would be great. Our own self-will grew so loud we forgot other people had free will, not corrupted by alcohol, and they could live and do as they pleased. Then something strange happened in AA: things got quieter. Maybe relationships aren’t repaired yet, maybe the wreckage still sits where we left it, but we haven’t made anything worse in a while — and for people like us, that’s progress.
Where are you trying to direct a scene in your life today?
