“And he wrote another Chapter called, We Agnostics, which I think is one of the greatest pieces of spiritual information I’ve ever read in my life. As I read that and studied that I could see where some of my old ideas, old prejudices, about God and religion, were wrong. And when I could see where they were wrong then I could discard them, and then I could accept some new ideas about God and then I could make a decision. Now based on hellfire and brimstone, based on a God of justice, no way could I have ever made the decision about God.”— Joe & Charlie, Big Book Study
There’s something about the heavy metal — the coins, not the music. The yearly ones feel different in our hands. They weigh a little more than the monthlies, and deep down we know they represent more than time. They carry daily grace, and the quiet sense that something in us has changed. A lot of AAs recognize we’ve we never got a yearly coin by aiming at a yearly coin. We got there the same way we got the 24-hour chip — by living today, turning over our thinking, and asking for the next right action even when we didn’t feel like it, and next thing we know someone was handing us a heavy metal coin in a meeting.
Somewhere along the way, this stopped feeling like punishment and started to feel like sunlight. We began letting go of the old habits we learned while drinking — control, avoidance, resentment — and we acted ourselves into better thinking. We made the call, showed up, paused instead of reacting, and helped someone when we would’ve rather isolated. Against our own predictions, it felt good — not fireworks good, just warm-sun-through-the-window good.
Our understanding of God softened too — not a scorekeeper, just a Higher Good we can line up with. We don’t have to believe perfectly; we just stay willing. And if we keep doing that, just for today, the heavy metal comes — not as a finish line, but as a reminder that this way of living works.
What small “next right action” have you taken that didn’t feel like much at the time, but later turned out to be part of the foundation for the sobriety you have today?
