JANUARY 18 – Willing to Be Willing
“God asks only that we become willing — not that we understand. The light enters through the smallest opening in a heart that stops arguing.” — Father John Doe
There were days I didn’t even want to be willing — I just wanted the pain to stop. People in meetings said, “Pray for the willingness to have willingness,” and I thought they were out of their minds. But I tried it anyway. Somewhere between the eye roll and the quiet moment, something shifted. I started praying for the smallest crack in the delusion of my alcoholism so I could see it. That’s all willingness really is — a crack big enough for light to get in. I don’t have to want to change perfectly; I just have to stop pretending I’m fine and let something help me. Some days I still fight that help, as if holding on to misery proves I’m in control. Am I willing to pray for willingness when I don’t feel it?
