"Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions."
— Tradition SevenSure, it's easy to understand this tradition in a meeting. The basket gets passed, we throw a dollar in, and the meeting goes on.But what were they really trying to teach us?Alcoholics have a bad habit of walking around with our hands out and not even knowing it. As deeply afflicted self-seekers, we can convince ourselves that we're there to be helpful when we're really looking to get something from someone else.Maybe we're always looking for someone to bail us out of a problem we created. Maybe we call certain people only when we need something. Maybe we're constantly fishing for reassurance that we're right. Maybe it's attention from dating sites, approval from people who tell us what we want to hear, or turning a trusted friend into someone who validates our bad ideas.There's nothing wrong with needing help. We wouldn't have gotten sober without it. But recovery slowly teaches us to take responsibility for ourselves instead of depending on others to carry us.Self-supporting doesn't mean we never need help. It doesn't mean we become isolated or refuse assistance when we genuinely need it. It means we're no longer making a lifestyle out of asking other people to do things for us that we're neglecting to do for ourselves. We begin carrying our own weight. We pay our way when we can. We become contributors instead of consumers.Over time, we stop looking at every person, meeting, and situation through the lens of what we can get from it. Instead, we start asking what we can contribute.That little shift changes a lot more than our finances. It changes our relationships, our recovery, and the way we move through life.Are you trying to be of help, or help yourself?
"Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions."
— Tradition Seven
Sure, it's easy to understand this tradition in a meeting. The basket gets passed, we throw a dollar in, and the meeting goes on.
But what were they really trying to teach us?
Alcoholics have a bad habit of walking around with our hands out and not even knowing it. As deeply afflicted self-seekers, we can convince ourselves that we're there to be helpful when we're really looking to get something from someone else.
Maybe we're always looking for someone to bail us out of a problem we created. Maybe we call certain people only when we need something. Maybe we're constantly fishing for reassurance that we're right. Maybe it's attention from dating sites, approval from people who tell us what we want to hear, or turning a trusted friend into someone who validates our bad ideas.
There's nothing wrong with needing help. We wouldn't have gotten sober without it. But recovery slowly teaches us to take responsibility for ourselves instead of depending on others to carry us.
Self-supporting doesn't mean we never need help. It doesn't mean we become isolated or refuse assistance when we genuinely need it. It means we're no longer making a lifestyle out of asking other people to do things for us that we're neglecting to do for ourselves. We begin carrying our own weight. We pay our way when we can. We become contributors instead of consumers.
Over time, we stop looking at every person, meeting, and situation through the lens of what we can get from it. Instead, we start asking what we can contribute.
That little shift changes a lot more than our finances. It changes our relationships, our recovery, and the way we move through life.
Are you trying to be of help, or help yourself?
