“I’ve got big balls, you’ve got big balls… but we’ve got the biggest balls of them all.” — Big Balls by AC/DC
Well, there you have it. A lot of us get to this point in Step Five and say to ourselves, “Hold on… you mean to tell me I have to go sit down with another person and tell them the stuff that’s been going on with me for years? And this is somehow part of not drinking?”
Yes.
It takes an awfully big pair to get to this point. But a lot of us also remember being on our knees, beat down by alcohol, saying we were willing to go to any lengths. Well, this is one of those lengths.
And what are we really scared of?
Is it the judgment? Is it not trusting that this person will keep their mouth shut? Or is it the deeper fear that they’ll hear the whole thing and say, “Whoa… yeah, you’re not one of us. You’re too far gone. Get out of here.”
Again, it takes an awfully big pair to walk through this step with absolute honesty. But this is where we stop trying to manage two lives: the one everybody sees, and the one eating us alive inside.
This is trust the process territory.
Are you still willing to go to any lengths?
