An amends can quietly become a reputation project.
We may want the other person to know we are sober now, different now, spiritual now, and possibly very impressive now. The conversation can shift from their harm to our new identity without us noticing.
Repairing a mistake and repairing a reputation are different jobs. One looks at what happened and what can be made right. The other tries to control what someone thinks about us.
It is like fixing a neighbor’s mailbox while repeatedly asking whether they noticed how skillfully we used the screwdriver. The mailbox may be repaired, but the performance has become strangely important.
Step Nine describes amends, not a public-relations campaign for the new us.
How is repairing a mistake different from repairing a reputation?
