“Let’s talk about sex, baby…” – Salt-N-Pepa
Having made it this far in our Fourth Step, we’re trusted to be able to work out our resentful thinking,and set aside our fears. This is a big responsibility. Almost everyone who does a thorough job ends up with a deep sense of gratitude for the pathway out of resentment and fear that AA has provided. It has changed our lives, and we can’t thank AA enough.
Now, using these new tools, we’re able to look back on our intimate relationships and take an honest look.
There isn’t a ton of sex talk in AA. It can be touchy, and it can bring up judgment. I heard a guy say once, “Two things we don’t care about in AA: one, what your Higher Power is, and two, how you get your rocks off.” And it makes sense. We listen, and we don’t judge—and in the Fourth Step, we don’t judge ourselves either. We’re here to make things right with our lives and start shaping future relationships in a way that doesn’t harm anyone.
So we start. We make a list of our intimate relationships and take a look at where we might have been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate. We’re not doing this to beat ourselves up—we’re looking for the nature of our wrongs, the patterns of behavior that keep us sick.
So we grab a pen… and we continue.
How do you want your future relationships to go?
