Some amends are simpler to make than others. There are some we know we have to make, but we don’t want to because of the fear and chaos surrounding whatever situation we found ourselves in. We may be getting ready to become willing, but the fear feels like a brick wall standing in the way.
We can catastrophize about what might happen. We play out every possible consequence in our heads, usually imagining the worst. This is where we’ve learned to seek experience from a trusted friend. Someone who isn’t caught up in our fear can sometimes see a clear path where we can’t see one at all.
But what if we are absolutely not willing?
We’ve heard to pray for the willingness to be willing. It’s a start. We don’t have to pretend we’re ready when we’re not. We can simply ask God to help us become willing to become willing. After all, it’s in God’s hands anyway. We’re sober now. We’re trying to do the next right thing. Even a small attempt at willingness is going to get us farther than closing the door on the memory and trying to shut it off. We already know that usually doesn’t work.
Sometimes willingness doesn’t come all at once. Sometimes it starts with a prayer we have to say over and over again. But if we keep praying for the willingness to be willing, we may eventually find ourselves in a position to do the next right thing.
Today’s Question: Is there something I’m not willing to face yet, and am I willing to pray for the willingness to be willing?
