Being sober for a while, relying on a God of our understanding, and becoming more of a spectator in our own lives takes daily discipline. Sometimes we get proud of ourselves. And that's okay. For a lot of us, it's a strange feeling. We spent years buried in guilt, shame, and low self-esteem. Coming out of that pit and growing into a God-consciousness starts to look a lot like confidence.
We find ourselves doing things we never thought we'd do. We pray before disaster instead of after it. We help others. We stay sober through situations that used to send us running. Sometimes we look back and think, Holy crap, I can't believe prayer worked... again. We're grateful, and maybe even a little proud of what God has done in our lives.
Then something happens. Old friends or family members still treat us like the drunk we used to be. Someone brings up our past. Somebody doesn't notice the changes we've made. That old feeling of not being good enough starts creeping back in. At that moment, our alcoholic ego can jump into the driver's seat. We get hurt. We get angry. We start thinking, After everything I've done, how dare they treat me like this?
That's where pride can turn sick. Not because we were proud of our growth, but because we started needing other people to be proud of it too. The next right thing never needed an audience. It never needed applause. It never needed approval. If we can take that hurt to our Higher Power instead of lashing out, we've learned something valuable about our character defects. We gain a little more humility, a little more freedom, and a little more strength for the road ahead.
Have you ever found yourself doing the right thing, then becoming resentful because nobody seemed to notice?
