“But we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.”— Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 62
Some of this Fourth Step stuff takes a crowbar to get off us. Hard-nosed sponsors seem to help with that. When we were living that drinking life, we were vulnerable, and it sure felt like people took advantage of us. Hard to see anything different on our own. We had all the explanations ready. If that guy would’ve just done what he was supposed to do. If that other guy would’ve kept his mouth shut and not ratted us out. If she would’ve just loved us more. If the boss had treated us fairly. If the world would’ve stopped picking on us for five damn minutes.
And some people really did hurt us. That part is true. But we keep this line in the back of our minds: “we invariably find…” Invariably. Not sometimes. Not once in a while. Invariably. Somewhere back there were decisions based on self that put us in places we never should’ve been. We chased approval, control, comfort, attention, security, escape, or ego, and then acted shocked when life blew up in our faces. We kept trying to manage everything and everyone around us while our own lives were slowly catching on fire.
The good news is we hopefully found somebody who can help us see this clearly without crushing us. Somebody who’s been there before. Because once we can finally see our mistakes honestly, we don’t have to keep living like this anymore.
What’s one resentment where, after really looking at it, you finally saw your own mistake in it?
