October 26 – The Defiant One
“The typical alcoholic has a narcissistic, egocentric core, dominated by feelings of omnipotence... a defiant individuality and grandiosity. Inwardly, the alcoholic brooks no control from man or God. He will fight to the end to preserve that position.”
— Dr. Harry Tiebout, AA Comes of Age, p. 311
When I first read that, I thought, Dang, that’s rough. Then I did the Steps and realized — yeah, that’s me. I’ve got that streak that says, Nobody tells me what to do. I wanted freedom, but I was really fighting anything that looked like surrender.
Nowadays, you hear “narcissist” all over social media like it means someone’s an uncurable monster. Sometimes it fits. Most of the time it’s just childish name-calling. Truth is, a lot of us are just carrying old wounds — the kind that scream for control when what we really need is connection. Healing that doesn’t mean pretending I’m not self-centered. It means seeing it, owning it, and trying not to let it drive the bus.
That’s where Step 10 saves me. Every day I’ve got to check for that pride, control, or quiet little voice that wants to be the director again. I’m not bad for having it — I’m just human. Some days I catch it quick, some days it catches me. Either way, I get another shot tomorrow.
How fast can you spot that “I’ll do it my way” attitude when it starts running the show?
