"If you want esteem, you have to do esteem-building things." — Heard in the rooms
By the time we've worked through our Fourth and Fifth Steps, one thing usually becomes obvious: somewhere along the way, our self-esteem disappeared. The fearful life we lived while drinking slowly chipped away at it. In its place grew self-centeredness. We either thought we were better than everyone else, or so far beneath everyone that we didn't even belong. Either way, we ended up isolated.
The program offers us another way to live. Instead of trying to feel better first, we're encouraged to act differently. We shake hands and introduce ourselves at meetings—something we rarely did at the bar. We share honestly about our problem with alcohol—something we would have hidden at all costs. We exchange phone numbers and actually use them, staying connected with people who understand exactly where we've been. Little by little, these simple actions begin rebuilding something we thought was gone.
Our esteem doesn't return because we wish for it. It returns because we practice living differently. AA becomes a small playground where we learn a new way of living. Before long, those same habits begin showing up in the big playground of life. Job interviews become a little easier. Relationships aren't as complicated as they used to be. Family seems to enjoy our new attitude. We stop trying to prove our worth and quietly begin living it.
What is one esteem-building thing you've done in recovery that eventually started showing up in the big playground of life?
