“Deep down in every man, woman, and child is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 55
For some of us in AA, the initial instinct was still to claw our way back on top. Our lives stayed loud and messy. Money problems. Family tension. Phones lighting up late at night with reminders of the life we wanted out of.
As we were healing in AA, sometimes out of nowhere the noise would come rushing back. Worry, fear, replaying the same disasters. AA members suggested prayer, not as a demand, just an option. Do it or don’t. It worked for them. Our life, our call.
Looking back, didn't the calamity suit us?
Not because it felt good — but because it fed our own preoccupation with our problems. The chaos kept everything about us. It gave us something to talk about, something to explain, something to carry around like proof that we deserved attention. Drama became a full-time job. The wreckage gave us permission to obsess about our lives, rehearse our stories, and retell the same scenes until everyone around us was worn out.
We claimed we wanted peace, but the truth is we didn’t know how to live without the turbulence. Without the focus on problems, we couldn’t figure out how to keep ourselves at the center. Calm felt unfamiliar. Stability felt empty. Without a crisis, we didn’t know who we were supposed to be.
For those of us running and gunning for a spiritual awakening, learning to deal with calamity is where the real work begins to show up. Not in the big moments, but in how we respond when life gets loud again. Moment by moment, we can pause, get quiet, and take it to a Higher Power or another closed-mouth member who might understand — so we don't go looking for the spotlight again. Many of us found progressing towards this attitude is how the shift starts — enough times that our reaction to life changes, and alcohol slowly loses one of its pulls.
What's blocking you from feeding the drama, trusting God, and letting the calm feel uncomfortable for a while?
