JANUARY 14 – The Beat Down
“You got knocked the f— out!” — Friday (1995)
Willingness doesn’t start with fireworks; it usually starts with exhaustion. I didn’t decide to get sober — I just ran out of other ideas. There’s a strange grace in that collapse, the kind that sneaks in between panic and surrender. I was beat into a state of reasonableness. I used to think I’d change once I understood everything. Turns out, I only got willing when I finally stopped pretending I knew everything. A Higher Power can work with a broken “I don’t know.” It can’t do much with a person hellbent on pretending everything is fine. The trick is, I can forget that fast. Am I willing to keep coming back?
What finally helped you walk through the door the first time?
