October 25 – The Fear Factory
“The average alcoholic is the individual who was pampered or neglected in childhood… and through regular alcoholic intake, fear is accentuated beyond control.” — Sobriety and Beyond, 1948
I read that a lot of us grew up one of two ways — we were either spoiled or ignored. Either way, we never learned how to deal with fear. When I found alcohol, it felt like the answer. It made the noise stop for a while. But when the drink was finally out of my life, I was left with all the fear I’d been running from — raw, loud, and looking for a way out.
Through the AA program I have the ability to see fear shows up in me as being too sensitive, too proud, too bossy, or too childish. Yeah… guilty. I used to think I was tough, but really, I was just scared of everything — losing control, being seen, being wrong. The more I hid it, the worse it got.
These days I don’t try to kill fear — I just stop feeding it. I ask God to help me face what’s in front of me, shaky hands and all. I don’t have to be fearless; I just have to keep walking. Every time I do, I grow up a little more.
When something sets you off today, can you take a moment to ask yourself — am I scared right now, or am I pretending not to be?
